Welcome aboard. We know you’re completely out of choices When it comes to afterlife travel, so thank you for letting us choose you, Or, rather, thank you for making choice completely unnecessary, Which is to say, no thanks to you at all, forever, for anything. Yes, we know it’s dark. It will get darker. It will get so dark You will doubt you exist, except it will not get quite that dark, Because we know you crave non-existence, and we are here to remind you, Forever and as painfully as possible, that yes, you do very much exist. Forever? No, madam, not hyperbole, although of course “forever” Cannot be guaranteed, because forever is very far away from now, Forever away, to be exact, that country from which no one has returned, Which is, coincidentally, the country you are now travelling to. Do not ask for anything. Instead, take whatever is given, Whatever orifice it is thrust into. You’re familiar with disregarding rules, So ignore the commandments in the chained pocket in front of you, Bow down, tense up, burst into flame. From now on, everybody smokes.